Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
