Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
