Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize