I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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