speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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