A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need a beard to bite.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
