i barfeds in our rink
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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