there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
