so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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