Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
