remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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