somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
