Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she smelled like a LAN party
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
50% drunk capacity currently
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize