I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
