if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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