Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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