I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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