If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
