Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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