3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're so nebulous sometimes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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