My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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