I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
