But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
