I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
