So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
