my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
