he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
