He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
