Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
