i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i think i just lost a toe
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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