Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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