I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
