He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
