Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
