Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's always time for handjobs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
