I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
