Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize