So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
