Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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