my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
