Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
