I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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