did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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