Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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