I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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