I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
