OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize