I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
