i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Success! We fucked roommates!
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