nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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