How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
