I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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