Pappa wants mamma naked
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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