Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
