**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize