My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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