Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
