Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
