I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
