it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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