$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
