We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
