so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
