If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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