This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
