So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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