K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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