I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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