I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
