your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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