When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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