we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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