Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
